Our Approach to Relationships and Behaviour
At St Mary’s, we believe that every child is created in the image of God and is of infinite worth. Our behaviour approach is rooted in our Christian vision:
“Aspiring, nurturing, flourishing; together shining a light.”
We strive to create a calm, safe and inclusive environment where children feel valued, respected and supported to flourish academically, socially, emotionally and spiritually.
Our Behaviour Principles
We teach children that behaviour is a choice and that everyone has a responsibility to help make our school a positive place to learn and grow.
Our school-wide Code of Conduct encourages all members of our community to be:
Respectful
Ready
Reflective
These expectations are taught explicitly, modelled by adults and revisited throughout the school day.
A Restorative and Nurturing Approach
At St Mary’s, we believe in addressing the behaviour, not the child. We support children to learn from mistakes, repair relationships and make positive choices moving forward.
Our behaviour culture is built upon:
- Forgiveness and reconciliation
- Growth mindset and perseverance
- Emotional regulation and self-awareness
- Positive relationships
- Consistent routines and expectations
We are also an Attachment Aware School and use approaches from Hertfordshire STEPS to support children with understanding and managing emotions and behaviour.
Bucket Filling at St Mary’s
At St Mary’s Church of England Primary School, we introduce the language of “bucket filling” from the very beginning of school life, particularly within EYFS and Key Stage 1, and continue to develop this understanding as children grow older.
This approach is inspired by the work of Carol McCloud and helps children understand how their words and actions affect both themselves and others.
Children learn that everyone carries an invisible “bucket” which represents their feelings, wellbeing and self-esteem.
Bucket Fillers
Bucket fillers are people who:
- Show kindness and compassion
- Encourage and help others
- Use respectful words and actions
- Celebrate others’ successes
- Make positive choices
When we act in these ways, we help to “fill” other people’s buckets as well as our own.
Bucket Dippers
Bucket dipping refers to behaviours that negatively impact others, such as:
- Unkind words
- Excluding others
- Disrespectful behaviour
- Hurtful actions
Children are taught to recognise when behaviour may be “dipping” into someone else’s bucket and to reflect on how they can repair relationships and make better choices.
“Putting a Lid on Our Bucket”
As children mature, we also teach them the importance of “putting a lid on their bucket.” This helps children understand that they cannot always control the behaviour of others, but they can develop strategies to protect their own wellbeing, regulate emotions and respond calmly and safely to challenges.
This language supports children in developing:
- Emotional awareness
- Resilience
- Self-regulation
- Empathy
- Positive relationships
Bucket filling links closely with our Christian values, restorative approach and our commitment to helping every child flourish socially, emotionally and spiritually.
Celebrating Positive Behaviour
We believe positive behaviour should be recognised and celebrated regularly.
Children may receive:
- Specific verbal praise
- House points
- ‘Above and Beyond’ recognition
- Weekly Celebration Certificates
- Hot chocolate and cookies with Mrs Maxwell
- Half Termly Value Certificates
At St Mary’s, house points are collected as physical tokens and placed into each House Team’s bucket. This visible approach helps reinforce our “bucket filling” philosophy and reminds children that positive choices, kindness, effort and encouragement help to “fill” not only their own bucket, but also the bucket of their wider school community.
We encourage children to become “bucket fillers” — showing kindness, encouragement and respect towards others whilst contributing positively to their class, house and school family.
Supporting Children to Make Good Choices
We use a clear and consistent stepped approach to behaviour.
Our Behaviour System
- Verbal reminder
- Verbal warning
- Yellow card
- Red card
Children are always given opportunities to reflect, self-correct and repair behaviour before consequences are applied wherever possible.
Inclusion and SEND
All children are expected to follow our Behaviour Policy and uphold our school values. However, we also understand that some children may require different levels or types of support in order to achieve this successfully.
We are committed to providing an inclusive and nurturing approach, ensuring every child is supported to flourish both socially and emotionally. Reasonable adjustments may include:
- Individual behaviour support plans
- Adapted rewards and consequences
- Sensory or emotional regulation strategies
- Additional adult support
- Support from external agencies
We work closely with families and outside professionals where appropriate to ensure that children receive the personalised support they need whilst maintaining high expectations for all.
Bullying
Bullying is not tolerated at St Mary’s.
Children are taught:
- What bullying is
- How to recognise it
- How to report concerns safely
- How to support others
We use the P.O.P. test to help children identify bullying:
- Purposeful
- Over time
- Power imbalance
Cyberbullying and online safety are also addressed through our curriculum and assemblies.
Working in Partnership with Parents
Strong home-school relationships are central to promoting positive behaviour.
We ask parents and carers to:
- Encourage respect and kindness
- Support school expectations
- Promote good attendance and punctuality
- Communicate openly with school staff
Together, we help children develop into confident, respectful and responsible individuals.
Safeguarding and Wellbeing
Children’s wellbeing is at the heart of our approach. Where behaviour may indicate a safeguarding concern, appropriate safeguarding procedures are followed.
Further Information
For full details, please read our:
- Behaviour Policy
- Behaviour Policy on a Page
- Anti-Bullying Policy
- SEND Policy
- Restrictive Intervention Policy
- Exclusions Policy